Plane Mad
FUNNIES
 
HA HA........BUT TRUE

 

Rules For Flight (many also apply to models)
1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself
10. You know you've landed with the wheels up when it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.
11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.
12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.
14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.
15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.
16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.
18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.
19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum (or balsa) going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.
20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.
21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.
22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.
23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to appeal.
24. The four most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, gas back at the airport, and a tenth of a second ago.
25. There are old pilots and there are bold pilots. There are, however, no old, bold pilots.

Occasionally airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight announcements a bit more interesting.

Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"

Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off, Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land ... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."

After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: 'Whoa, big fella, WHOA!

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

From a Southwest Airlines employee .... . Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds...... but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines." "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants, Please do not leave children or spouses," Last one off the plane cleans it.

From the pilot during his welcome message: 'We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the Industry ... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight ... !

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, That was quite a bump and I know what you are thinking, I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault..... it was the asphalt!"

Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: 'We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix (the city in Arizona, not our club), the Flight Attendant came on with, Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tyre smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.

Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."
 

The Most Commonly Used Phrases After A Crash.
1.   Well what happened there then.
2.   Well I pulled up.
3.   I thought I was higher than that.
4.   I had no control.
5.   It wouldn't do anything.
6.   The runway moved.
7.   Who switched their transmitter on.
8.   It's a bit bumpy over there.
9.   I always get interference over that bit of ground, I don't know why.
10.  The battery disconnected itself.
11.  I've always had trouble from that receiver.
12. That bloody hedge moved!
13.  I knew that clevis was loose (NEW!)
14.  The wind caught the wing. (NEW!)

Just after taking off, the captain of a jumbo makes his customary announcement about the length of the journey, expected arrival time and so on. But after he's finished he forgets to turn off the microphone, turns to his co-pilot and says, "Right, I'll finish this sandwich, then I think I'll nip back and make love to that new redheaded stewardess." In horror, the stewie, who is at the rear of the plane, rushes down the aisle to prevent the captain's indiscretion going any further. On her way, an old lady grabs her arm. "Why rush, dear?" she says. "He said he had to finish his sandwich first."

A Boeing 747 flying from London to New York develops engine trouble and starts plummeting towards the ocean. As she realises what's going on, the head stewardess crashes into the pilots' cabin, stands in front of the captain and rips off her blouse, saying, "Captain, make me feel like a woman before I die!" The pilot rips his shirt off and says, "Here you go, then - iron this."

"German air traffic controllers at Frankfurt Airport are infamous for being a short-tempered lot," a U.S. pilot notes. "So it was with some amusement that [a United 747] listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and the pilot of a British Airways 747 (BA 747, call sign Speedbird 206) "clear of the active runway after landing at Frankfurt and headed to off load passengers at his designated gate.
Ground: "Guten morgen, taxi to your gate." The BA 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.
Ground (brusquely): "Speedbird, do you not know vair you are going?"
Speedbird: "Stand by ground, I'm looking up the gate location now."
Ground (impatient): "Speedbird 206, have you never been to Frankfurt before?" 
Speedbird (coolly): "Yes, several times in 1944, but I didn't stop."
 

The Obligatory Irish Joke

Paddy and Murphy are flying along in their old Tiger Moth, Murphy asks.
"Hey Paddy, if we fly upside down do you think we'll fall out?".
Paddy "No Murphy, I think we'll still be friends"

On their recent round the world balloon trip Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones got lost in fog. When Brian said to Bertrand "where do you think we are?" Bertrand said, "hang on" and put his hand out of the window, then declared "we are over Italy." "Brilliant how do you know that?" Asked Brian. "Simple because I could feel the leaning tower of Pizza!" A little while longer Brian said, "where do you think we are now then." Again Bertrand put out his hand. "I can feel the Eiffel Tower so we must be over France." A bit longer and again Brian asks where they are. Bertrand pops his hand out again; "oh we must be over Liverpool." "That's amazing" says Brian, "how do you know this time?" "Because some bastard just nicked my watch!"
 

How do you get a cow out of a spin?
            .............. Full opposite udder!!

 

 

Pierre the fighter pilot.

 

Pierre, the famous French fighter pilot, is having a picnic with his girlfriend. After the meal, she turns to him and says, "Pierre, kiss my red lips." Pierre pulls out his best bottle of red wind and empties it all over the girl's lips, then he dives in. After five minutes she pulls back and, out of breath, says, "Pierre, that's wonderful, but why the wine?" "Because I am Pierre, the famous French fighter pilot, and with red meat, I drink red wine." "Oooh," she purrs, "kiss me lower." Pierre pulls out a bottle of white wine and splashes it over her breasts. He rips her blouse off and dives in, kissing. After five minutes she pulls back and pants, "Wonderful! But why do you need the white wine?" "Because I am Pierre, the famous French fighter pilot, and when I eat white meat, I drink white wine." The girl swoons. "Oooh, Pierre , kiss me even lower." Pierre reaches into the picnic basket, pulls out his best cognac and pours it over her crotch. He strikes a match, throws it in and up it goes. "Aarghh! Pierre, Pierre!" yells the woman, patting down the flames. "Why? Why" "Because I am Pierre, the famous French fighter pilot," he answers coolly. "And when I go down, I go down in flames."
 

RC Definitions

ANGLE OF ATTACK - Direction from which you are hit after setting up a nice mid-air with your club mate's new plane. 
AUTOROTATION - What your car does on icy roads. 
BALSA - What dreams were made of. 
BALSA - Also: What P-51 pilots have a lot of. 
BALSA STRIPPER - Lightweight female dancer, rhythmically removing covering, to show inner structure to drooling RC Pilots. 
BLIND NUT - Judge at a pattern contest.
BULKHEAD - Removable part of fuselage. Comes off on landing. 
CARPET FIBRE - When others are bragging about their high-tech composite planes and you have only the Gentle Lady you built on the floor of your two-room apartment, mutter quickly (under your breath), "Yep, this baby's reinforced with Carpet Fibre!" 
CIRCLE TOW - How to point someone in the direction of the scoring tent when you have both hands holding your plane together until the quick epoxy sets. 
CRASH - Quick method of removing radio and engine from a model to fit them in your new one. 
CRASH - Also: Synonym for "re-kitting" a model 
CENTER OF GRAVITY - Point in which G-forces, dedicated to separating wing from fuselage, do their stuff. 
CANARD - Frequently seen at ponds. Willing opponent for dogfights. 
COMPUTER - Device that enables you to make mistakes at the speed of light. 
CYANOACRYLATE - Special glue, designed to instantly glue fingers to balsa structures. 
CYANOACRYLATE - Also : Special glue, instantly curing when parts are misaligned, will hardly (if at all) cure when parts are correctly aligned. 
CYANOACRYLATE - Also : Substance used to make eyes water profusely at critical points in construction. 
CYANOACRYLATE - Also : Stuff usually dripping on your clothes, turning them into armor and you into a modeler knight. 
DEAD STICK - Two of these can be found on your transmitter after failing to properly charge your batteries. 
DEAD STICK - Also : The Yucca your aunt gave you to clear the air in your workshop after 3 months lack of water. 
DOWNWIND TURN - Sensitive item that, when posted in UK.REC.MODELS.RADIO-CONTROL.AIR, will generate threads of 100 entry's and up. 
ENGINE - Device designed to make noise. Will suddenly stop making this noise when beyond glide-in distance. 
EPOXY - The stuff that has replaced the balsa after the flying season. 
FAIL SAFE - Option on PCM radio's that allows a pilot to choose whether to crash near him, or a long way away. 
FLARE - What someone has when they're good enough to show off. 
FLARE - Also: Beginner's luck. 
FLYING WING - To be seen after too tight a loop. 
FUEL TANK - Plastic bottle, designed to leak when placed in totally inaccessible locations. 
FUSELAGE - Optional interconnecting structure between wings and engine. 
FUSELAGE - Also: Receptacle into which the R/C pilot stuffs money in the hope that his plane will fly better. 
GLITCH - What you shout when you pull up elevator while flying inverted at 10ft altitude. 
GRAVITY - Force of nature designed to reduce aircraft to their component parts. 
LANDING GEAR - Structure to separate fuselage from runway after landing. Does not always succeed in doing so. 
LANDING - Comes in multiple forms
    GOOD - The plane comes in contact with the ground, and all bits are still there. (rare form) 
    AVERAGE - The plane comes in contact with the ground, and most bits are still there. (most common form) 
    BAD - The plane comes in contact with the ground, and all bits have grown in number but diminished in size. (common form) 
LUCK - Comes in multiple forms:
    PLAIN Very sparse on your side, but plenty with your flying buddies only they refer to it as SKILL. 
    TOUGH This is what you usually have. Your flying buddies refer to it as lack of skill.
    BAD Same as TOUGH. 
    GOOD What you need the most. 
MEAN AIR CHORD - That nasty minor eighth note caused when your wings snap on launch and whack together. 
MIXTURE SCREW - Device to meter too little fuel to engine at critical moments. 
MONOKOTE - The thing that ruins every ounce of hard work that you put into a plane to make it look nice. 
NOSEWHEEL - Implement used to remove bulkhead. 
O.S. - Initials of the two words that an r/c pilot says when he loses control going straight down. 
PATTERN PLAN - Make a copy of the plans so when it crashes, you have the patterns to build another one. 
PROPELLER - Rotating knife that cuts holes in the air, which the aircraft falls into, thus propelling the aircraft. 
PROPELLER - Also : Handy tool to cut away excess skin on knuckles. 
PROP NUT - What Glider pilots call Power pilots. 
P-51 MUSTANG - What beginners use to learn to fly. 
RADIO- Expensive electronic device to randomly alleviate overcharged batteries. 
RADIO GLITCH- Documented Electronic occurrence, causing immediate and irreparable loss of control. 
RADIO GLITCH- Also : The source of any crash when there is a possibility of someone else's radio in close proximity to the plane. 
SWEPT AREA - The only part of your apartment not covered in balsa dust. 
WETTED AREA - After Deefa the Wonderdog finds the swept area. 
TAIL-DRAGGER - R/C pilot who has spent an hour looking for his plane in a forest. See also "glitch". 
THERMAL - Mythical occurrence of rising air - usually where one's sailplane is not. 
TRAINER CORD - Handy device for electronically instilling false confidence in rookie pilots. 
TREE - Implement used to separate Wings from Fuselage. See also "glitch". 
SINK - Non-mythical meteorological event stimulated by rc soaring contests. 
SNAP ROLL - After a nice hard G roll, something SNAPS (usually and most likely the wing). Aerodynamic ability will slightly diminish. 
STALL - Score Gravity: 1,  Mr. Pilot: 0 . 
TIP STALL - Offering several minutes worth of un-requested advice to a nearby pilot INSTEAD of taking your turn to launch off the winch; used when sink is in the air and contest points are at stake. See 'sandbagging'. 
UPWIND TURN - Same as DOWNWIND TURN. . . . NO it isn't ! YES it is ! NO it isn't ! YES it is ! NO it isn't ! YES it is ! IS NOT ! IS TOO ! IS NOT ! IS TOO ! IS ..... etc. etc. etc. 
WING - Device that, due to it's airfoil, allows air to flow faster over the top, thereby allowing you the opportunity to pour excess funding into the resulting low-pressure area.
WING AREA - What you get more of in the car by leaving the wife at home. 

 

You know you have a serious modelling addiction when...

  • You have picked up severe airframe icing on at least one occasion.
  • You have experienced carburetor icing on at least one occasion.
  • You have hosted a fun-fly when it is so cold out that one contest event is simply to see who can start their engines.
  • You have to maintain your airplane status and gripe sheets on computer.
  • If you worked feverishly in all your free time it would take more than three years to clear your backlog of kits.
  • The winds are 45 knots at dead 90 degrees to the runway, but you do the show anyway.
  • The visibility varies from 300 feet to 1/4 mile in fog and you do the show anyway,
  • You hold a fun fly where 13 crashes occur, and there were only 6 pilots registered.
  • You spend more than 150 man-hours craving a runway and spectator area out of a rough pasture to hold an 8 hour show.
  • You hold a demo show for the council officials and surrounding community, where you have to use guys with blankets to stop the models on landing, because the little patch near the future field site will only allow takeoffs and landing from one end of the field.
  • You haul a thousand pounds of waterlogged scrap carpet to make a patchwork runway, because the beach is the only spot where they could put your show.
  • You think that flying your floatplane in close formation with the speedboat you are riding in, "might be kinda cool".
  • You actually do know how to land in the troughs, when the wave heights exceed one foot.
  • The staff at Anglia Models recognise your voice on the phone and know you by name. (and you know all of theirs, too).
  • You have pictures of your models in your office, but not your fiancée.
  • Your idea of relaxing is flying alone at the field, with a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other and your toes on the sticks.
  • You host a fun-fly called "The Eliminator".
  • You have more than 100 board-feet of balsa in your shop.
  • You have engines in boxes that you bought new for projects and are now out of production more than 5 years.

     

     

You Might Be An RC Modeler If....

  • ...You have ever glued both hands together with CA and had to use an x-acto knife in your teeth to cut them apart.
  • ...You have taken your plane off and panic on the third lap, realising that you haven't extended the transmitter antenna.
  • ...You have built two right wings for a single wing plane.
  • ...You get to the field and realize your transmitter is still on charge at home.
  • ...You have switched your retracts up while you taxi your plane out to take off.
  • ...You lean over your just-finished new plane to brush off a bug and drop a screwdriver out of your shirt pocket that rips through the wing monocote.
  • ...You are making an inverted low pass and then pull "UP" on the elevator.
  • ...You have taken your plane off with the glow still clipped to the engine's glow plug.
  • ...You ever had to jump over your plane as you were landing it.
  • ...You have more than one scar on your "cranking" hand.
  • ...You have fuel stains on your new trainers.
  • ...You are shopping for land to build your dream home on, and would rather have flat, open pasture land than rolling wooded hills.
  • ...You spend more time browsing Ripmax catalogs than the TV guide.
  • ...You will go flying when it's 104? but won't cut the grass for your wife `cause "it's too hot out there".
  • ...You have 47 miscellaneous Ni-Cad batteries and can't find a pair of D cells for your torch.
  • ...Your O.S. engine purrs like a kitten but the family car will barely run.
  • ...You see your wife ironing while wearing a thin nighty and it reminds you of the monocote job you need to finish.
  • ...100 deg. is forecast for the weekend and you hope there isn't a breeze blowing.
  • ...You smash your thumb with a hammer while doing a project for your wife and the only thing you worry about is `will it be healed by the weekend'.
  • ...You have grass stains on the knees of your favorite trousers.
  • ...Your wife wants to buy a new people carrier and the only thing you are concerned with is `will the back seats remove easily'.
  • ...You have a sun tan in the roof of your mouth.
  • ...You always keep a supply of paper towels and Windowlene but never clean your car windows.
  • ...Your dad is looking for his padlock and find you are using it for a balance weight.
  • ...You complain about the cost of school supplies for your kids but can walk out of the hobby shop with £127.83 worth of miscellaneous parts and supplies.
  • ...You have balsa dust on top of your living room furniture.
  • ...You keep feeling for the trim tabs on your TV remote control.
  • ...You have at least three planes in various stages of completion.
  • ...The neighbourhood kids come to you to help them with their summer school projects.
  • ...You can't understand how some men can get so involved with a silly thing like golf.
  • ...You fit a drop tank on your strimmer.
  • ...You realise the best thing about it is that you can finally play with airplanes without having to make those funny sounds with your mouth.
  • ...You have a credit account at the local hobby shop but can't understand why your wife buys so many clothes.
  • ...You can land your plane even after you discover you are standing next to a wasp's nest.
  • ...You spend more money for a pair of sun glasses than for a lawn mower.
  • ...You use your field box to crank your lawn mower.
  • ...Your kids borrow rubber bands from you.
  • ...You think R/C flying should be an Olympic event.
  • ...You read the Red Cross book of first-aid but can't find first aid treatment for prop cuts or monocote iron burns.
  • ...Your wife frowns at you at the Christmas dinner table when you carve the turkey with an X-acto knife.
  • ...You buy a 4-wheel drive pickup so you can go get your plane when you "land" it.
  • ...Your wife spray paints her wrought-iron patio furniture with your fuel-proof paint.
  • ...You use fuel tubing to drink from your Coke can.
  • ...You have to put out an APB for your plane that flew out of the back of your pickup on the motorway.
  • ...You buy the "wife and kids" a new Pentium III computer for Christmas so you can practice with the "Tru-Flight" flight simulator.
  • ...You have watched TOP GUN and IRON EAGLES more than ten times.
  • ...Your neighbour calls the cops on you for spraying your lawn with an Aries Thrush crop duster model.
  • ...You put DU-BRO wheels on your TV tray.
  • ...You wear goggles and a silk scarf around your neck driving to the field.
  • ...Your wife's coffee table has glue and fuel stains on it.
  • ...The weather is too bad to rake the leaves but you can going flying.
  • ...You got more "toys" for Christmas than your kids did.
  • ...You have a field box full of every special tool made but don't have a jack when you have a flat tyre on your car.
  • ...You look for the servo linkage and antenna wire on every airplane in a movie.
  • ...You have at least ten T-shirts with airplanes on them.
  • ...You carry a chain saw with you to the flying field so you can retrieve your plane or clear for a landing approach.
  • ...You have ever made a picture frame from parts left over from an airplane kit.
  • ...You change glow plugs every other week but have over 100,000 miles on your car's spark plugs.
  • ...You buy petrol for your lawn mower in a Model Technics container.
  • ...You play your BMFA and radio channel numbers in the lottery.
  • ...You use your heat gun to try getting wrinkles out of your new bathroom wall-paper job.
  • ...You watch "Wings" on The Discovery Channel at least three times a week.
  • ...You have ever glued your ring to your finger.
  • ...You modify your garage door opener with trim tabs.
  • ...You plan your vacations using Fly-In schedules.
  • ...You use more wax paper building planes than your wife does baking.
  • ...You have more pictures of your airplanes than of your wife.
  • ...You buy a £700 mini-lathe to make £4 airplane parts.
  • ...You have enough broken props to use for firewood.
  • ...You have ever used an old elevator pushrod to scratch your back.
  • ...You shop Toys-R-Us for pilots.
  • ...Your doctor tells you that you have prop whip elbow.
  • ...You got your wife a plane kit for Mother's Day.
  • ...You can cover a prize-winning plane with monocote but can't iron your shirts.
  • ...Your friends have ever strung yellow "CRIME SCENE" tape around your plane.
  • ...You have ever taken your plane off with the ailerons reversed and still landed it safely.
  • ...You can program a multi-plane 9-channel computer radio but can't figure out your VCR.
  • ...You claimed your BMFA fees on your income tax return.
  • ...Your latest plane cost more than your wife's washing machine.
  • ...You have a dog-eared Ripmax catalogue in your bathroom.
  • ...You know what the term "Dumb-Thumb" really means.
  • ...You smell Windolene and it reminds you that you need to clean your planes.
  • ...Your wedding anniversary falls on a Fly-In weekend and you actually think about your choices.
  • ...With all your mail from BMFA your postman thinks you're a doctor.
  • ...You can blow gnats from your eyes out of the corner of your mouth and keep on flying.
  • ...You think about checking the frequency board before operating your TV remote at home.
  • ...You complain about the cost of getting your kids started back in school because it cuts into your money available for the Swap Meet.
  • ...You have complained about your wife forgetting something at Tesco's and you having to go back for it, yet you will drive 60 miles for a £1.49 part to finish a plane for Sunday.
  • ...It's September and you have already given your wife your Christmas wish list (with nothing but R/C stuff on it).
  • ...You actually enjoy reading these "You Might Be" jokes.
  • ...You spend £6.99 on your wife's jewelry earrings at a Swap Meet and £362 for airplane stuff and figure everything is even.
  • ...You tape Sunday afternoon football games and formulae1 races and watch them Sunday night.
  • ...Your biggest adult decision is golf or flying on a pretty weekend afternoon.
  • ...You crank your leaf blower and hold vertical and adjust the trim.
  • ...You buy your daughter (or wife) a doll house kit from Hannant's just so you will have something to glue together on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
  • ...You have enough scrap balsa to start fires in your fireplace.
  • ...You name your dog "Aileron".
  • ...You use coat hangers and duct tape for anything other than hanging clothes and taping duct.
  • ...Your transmitter has more computing power than a Pentium III PC.
  • ...You introduce your wife as your co-pilot.
  • ...You consider a quality evening with the family consist of gluing and sanding.
  • ...You show up at the field with your channel 84 transmitter and your plane has channel 48 receiver in it.
  • ...It's too cold to wash your wife's car but you'll going flying.
  • ...You can't wait for grass cutting season to get here.
  • ...You crash your plane and go to the golf course to vent your frustration.
  • ...You use an infrared tach to set the speeds of your ceiling fans.
  • ...You wash your car or truck on Saturday and will drive through mud to get to the flying field on Sunday.
  • ...You'll complain about buses and trucks with all that stinking diesel smoke but add it to your plane.
  • ...You spend more time at the field working on your plane than flying it.
  • ...You use a chain saw to improve your landing approach.
  • ...Your wife uses your spare props to stir her paint can.
  • ...You have fuel stains in the trunk of your car.
  • ...You consider a Sunday picnic as a couple of hot dogs at the flying field.
  • ...You consider the R/C club meeting as the month's social event.
  • ...You spend £250 at a swap meet and question your wife's plans for a summer vacation as too expensive.
  • ...You save lolly sticks to stir your epoxy glue with.
  • ...You can balance your plane but can't balance your check book.
  • ...You will spend six hours Saturday working on your plane but won't fix the leaking cistern valve `cause you don't have time.